I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Randomize
