TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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