Whatcha textin bout Willis?
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
