hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
