I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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