1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
