i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
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