I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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