He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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