The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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