I CAN MOONWALK!
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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