Im at strip club and am horny
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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