I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Randomize
