You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
