what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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