I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Randomize
