Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
