If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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