I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
