I'm going to jail i love you
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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