You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
