Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
