Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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