Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
We had to coat check the pizza.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
