i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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