She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Randomize
