I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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