Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
