I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
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