he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Come share oat with me in your robe
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Randomize
