I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
This baby is an asshole
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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