What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Randomize
