dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
