"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
