1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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