I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
