gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
it's like iHOP with fire
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
