The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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