is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
