Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
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