3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
accomplished twins. life is a go
home. puking in laundry basket.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
