Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Randomize
