i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
