and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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