Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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