matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
My pussy is not your playground.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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