when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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