Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Randomize
