We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Randomize
