either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Randomize
