Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
