Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
