I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
