the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
