Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
