I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
