Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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