I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
