$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize
