Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize