If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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