i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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