We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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