I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
