This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
