So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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