mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
