People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
