Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
