My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
