My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
