Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
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