I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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