Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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