It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
